Guess what? I am back with another write-up. Well, it’s been so long since my writing here. However, you guys might have questions about my existence. But, well, I could not make myself appear here after Shaadi Ka Pressure After 28 - blog.
Yes, after going through several taunts and facing many illogical questions from the people, I have finally lived that phase which had given me more pressure than the Shaadi ka pressure. Here’s a fictional story which I would like to tell. Emphasizing on - Fictional. Because, I know, after reading this story, I might get several phone calls or messages from known or relatives, stating that, “Dekha Jigar, maine tumhe bola thaa na, tumhara yahi sab hai!”
Let’s hear then!
After 28 or 29 years on the earth, I was asked to get married. After making up my mind and becoming more stable in my life, I finally agreed to get married. Hence, I asked my parents to find a suitable girl for me. I started hunting girls on several matrimonial websites. While registering myself on the matrimonial apps, I have realized that these apps are platforms where you have to endorse yourself. Yes, exactly! It’s a place like Laal Darwaza or Mangal Bazar, where you have to market yourself with good product pictures.
When I land on the app, I feel like I am some Patanjali product. I would have to be kind and polite to everyone. Moreover, I would have to show that I am inclined towards Indian culture and follow the roots of Hinduism completely. In a nutshell, I would have to impress consumers or other candidates with higher qualifications and annual incomes. In fact, this is the first criteria that would allow the opponent to select whether we are capable of being swiped right or wrong. You know, it’s like selecting a garment at Laal Darwaza. If a merchant shows you some attractive garments, then you just take interest in buying it. But before that, you ask him to show some similar patterns. Yes, this is what happens when you are opting for an arranged marriage.
If a candidate gets attracted and swipes you right, then you should not be happy. Hold on, Sirji! You just have cleared the first stage. We have several phases to go. She has just shown some interest in you from your pictures and the written bio - which is either pasted from somewhere else or written by your friend. So, now you have chosen one garment from the merchant. But you have just selected, not purchased yet! So, now what you will do is - you will ask for more patterns to choose from. And if you like some of the other new patterns, then you will add them to your cart. After fetching three or four patterns of the garment, the first one you have selected will be kept on hold. Gggrr!!
Everyone loses their patience when one is kept on hold for a long time! Well, even, this much time doesn’t even get consumed by the telephone operator from BSNL.
Chalo, finally, after passing through several selections and endorsing myself, finally, I manage to find a suitable candidate from the other caste. She’s from the same state which I happen to live and work for the last four years. However, due to the pandemic, my parents have come to stay with me so that I could not face any problems and eat homemade hygienic food. Since my family is with me, I want to connect the dots of my life very soon. Hence, our both families (mine and that girl’s) start having a discussion and reach a conclusion soon.
In a few days, my engagement takes place. From product marketing to deployment, this procedure occurs so quickly that I don’t even believe that I am going to release the pressure which people have given me. I am relieved.
I break the official news to everyone that now, I am officially engaged. So, now the story starts from here.
However, my relatives came to know about my engagement. Furthermore, they inquire about the girl - what’s doing, what’s her name, where’s she from. Well, these are completely genuine and untestable questions. But, once they know details of the girl’s whereabouts, caste, and geography, they tighten their lips and raise eyebrows and murmur with “Hmmm!! Achcha…”
Their reactions are like I had booked all the slots for vaccination and they could not get it.
Do you know what’s the typical Indian mentality? They don’t resist creating clouds of their own thoughts. They don’t hold themselves back by having gossip or taking things to the level. So after hearing about the girl's caste, they utter “Love hi thaa toh pehle bata deta na hume! Hume toh koi problem nahi hai”
“Haa. I know, your daughter is having an affair for the last two years, and still, you are not convinced of it”. This statement bangs in my head and however, I manage to give them a sly smile.
Another question I have to encounter is, “Haa, achcha, isiliye tum waha chhar saal se reh rahe ho na!!”
“Arey, bhai! If you are willing to pay me what I am getting from the existing job, then I am ready to leave that city. But for the sake of yourself, don’t become the Kejriwal of politics who always gets ignored and trolled.”
“Bahut chhupa rustam nikla haah tu! Love marriage haah? Sahi hai.” With a flirtatious smile, one of my friends asks me.
My mind always juggles between these thoughts. But unfortunately, those don’t come out of my mouth.
With every passing day of my betrothal, I have to deal with various types of statements and questions.
However, now I am feeling pressured more than ever before. It is completely uncertain for our family to finalize the date of the wedding due to the uncertain scenario of the pandemic. And people have one more question to ask, “Beta, ab toh tera vyaah bhi ho gaya hai, shaadi kab kar rahe ho.”
Trust me, it’s not easy to tackle these questions on a daily basis.
When I go out and if I face someone known or relatives, then they congratulate me with a nice gesture and say, “I did give a call to your father at landline. But nobody was picking it up.”
With a big smile on my face and in an affirmative voice, I answered, “Actually, my parents had come down to stay with me. So there was nobody at home to pick up the call.”
But this Indian mentality doesn't end with one short conversation.
They ask me, “Ohh!! Isiliye tumhare parents tumhare saath aaye the to fix your engagement with your loved one.”
I try to keep myself calm and gulp the frustration. I take a long breath before I try to explain them.
“Nahi. That was a mere coincidence. Things fell into their way and thus, dots were connected eventually.”
“Ohh! Aisa? I don’t think so.” They come up with again the stupid question as if they were the creator of whole this event.
“So, where are you heading towards?” I asked a question with politeness.
“Going for a haircut. To fix my hair. It has become messy, you know!” He answered me by swirling his hair in the air and showing hair to me.
One day, my mother told me that this uncle wears a wig. Well, thanks to my good memory power which came while having a conversation with the same uncle now.
“Ohh! Aisa? I don’t think so.” With a puppy face and winking at him, I replied back.
Sometimes, it’s necessary to give a taste of their own medicine.
In India, elders still live in the orthodox mentality and don’t try to walk along with the time. With every passing year of their own existence on the earth, they become more rigid. They don’t become practical and remain in their old-cultured thoughts. Therefore, they forget to understand the latest scenario and the next generation’s blood. They are keener to know what’s cooking in their neighborhood. They always keep their eyes open to what Sharmaji ka beta eats in their meal and how they manage to eat biryani frequently. But here, they forget that their own so-called Khichdi gets sticky if you can’t control your own cooker.
In nutshell, irrespective of any situation - be it engagement period, marriage time, or post-wedding days, people will always find some questions to ask. There will not be any situation in life, where people won’t come across your path. So, you have to be ready and make yourself calm irrespective of your status. If you are single that doesn’t mean you are unmarried, if you are married that doesn’t mean you are happy as well. The phase of your life you choose should be your own choice. It should not be chosen by seeing what others are doing or what we are being forced to do. Happiness is all about your mindset. If you peep into other’s life, they will only show you what they wanted to show. So, without peeping into their window, we should indulge in our inner self and cherish what we’re getting. Rather than taking pressure on Shaadi, we must put an end to it.
