Shaadi Ka Pressure After 28

A few days back I came across a girl who was around 32 years old. She was looking damn happy. I was having a sip of chai while sitting besides her and noticed everything she was doing. She seemed to be on the seventh clouds and could not hold her excitement with whoever she was talking over the call. I was trying to step into her shoes and understand the reason behind her happiness and excitement.

After a few minutes, when she hung up the phone, I was staring at her. I could not hold myself and my self tried to ask her for the reason of excitement. With a sip of tea, I leaned towards her and asked, “Is this a tea-seller giving a free membership to you to have a chai without any cost?”

She got a surprised look. She could not understand what’s been happening. Her eyes froze on me for two minutes and said “Huhh! Excuse Me.”

Well, in my mind, I got a thought for a while that is she too dumb or trying to pretend that questions were not for me.

In a very gentle manner and to the point I asked simply, “What’s the reason behind this excitement? Sitting on a public place and with more than twenty people, you are the only one who jumped out of the joy and grabbed attention of many guys.”

She was taken back and could not understand what’s happening. Plenty of thoughts were running in her mind. Her eyes were on fire and excited at the same time. And she replied, “What has this to do with my excitement to you?”

I said calmly “Well, you must be around 30 and at the recent time, I’ve seen nobody who is so much happy and excited as much you.”

“Either you’re not from India or trying to wear a mask of a person which you are not.” I added.

Hearing this statement from me, she actually could not get these things and started avoiding me. I became a nonexistent element for her in no time. She focused herself on the phone and started messaging to her friend. I tried to peep into her cellphone. She was actually WhatsApping to her friend saying “Anisha, finally, the moment has arrived. I know it’s not too late, but let me break the ice now.”

After two minutes, Anisha came online and replied to her, “What are you talking about? And what type of moment you are waiting for?”

Just like her friend - Anisha, I was also confused and had no idea what was she talking about. Obviously, why would I have an idea as I just met her 10 minutes back and I know nothing about her. I tried to gather thoughts and imagined the matter what are the things that should make her happy.

“Got her America Visa” - Maybe.

“Landed up with her dream job?” - Actually no.

“Her family might have agreed to let her go for a solo trip?” - Ffiiisshhhh…

“Night out?” - hmmmmm!!

Cut the crap. I told myself and reminded not to get into the shoes of ‘Kartik Calling Kartik’. Better I should ask her directly.

“No! That’s not a good idea.” I murmured”. Then I tried to look into her cell-phone.

She was typing, “Ani, you won’t believe, but, I am getting married.”

“What? I mean wow!” I said to myself.

“Congratulations!” Finally, I broke the wall of silence and came forward to her.

“Sorry? Excuse me!” She narrowed her eyes and said. She got a surprised look and her forehead had many question marks which could be answered soon, hope so.

Meanwhile, Sanju - a Chai boy came and said ‘Bhayaji, chai.”

Another cup of tea, I had taken and looked at him I said, “Ek Chai Madamji ko bhi de do. Unki Shaadi jo fix hui hai.”

Sanju put another cup of tea on the table which was lying in between us and left the place.

Immediately I looked at her and I was sure, I became a victim of a crime travelling on the train without a ticket. All I could see was too much irritation, anger and curiosity of how-the-hell-a-stranger-would-be-knowing-I-am-getting-married.

She gave me a cringed look and asked, “How the hell do you come to know that I am getting married?”

A complete expected statement I was expecting from her. So, I was prepared and had my answers ready in my mind.

“well, the question is not how I came to know. But the matter is that congratulations. Now you’ve officially surpassed the criteria of ‘Beta Shaadi Kab Karoge!!!’ and become a member of ‘Ab Bacche Paida Kar Lo!!!’. Because, what I feel is if you’re living humans in India and probably crossed the age barrier of 28 - which is set by society, but not Modiji, then you are being called an unmarried guy. But not a happily single person. Each and every day you’re surviving and struggling under the pressure and tag of ‘unmarried’.

Well, this could be elaborated later on. Now, let’s focus on her.

To take me out of my imaginary world, she pinched me and said “Helllo!”

I came back to the earth and said, “Well, the message you write is neither secret anymore nor made it 

to the privacy stage.”

“Not from Mark, not from government. Not from me.” I added.

I tried to play on front-foot smartly and made her realise that I am also a tech-gig and know the latest updates and new in the tech world. I actually tried to prove to her that I am a tech-person, holding a master degree.

Again ignoring all the part of mine, she said, “Thank you, anyway!”

Nowadays, these girls, I tell you. They are ignoring us like we always ignore the message of Windows Activation for the Windows update. They ignore us like we ignore Rahul Gandhi’s agenda and speech during the election. They ignore us like politicians ignore the promises and manifesto. They ignore us like we ignore Eliachi in Biryani. They ignore us like Modiji ignoring Kejriwali’s statement.

They have subtle art of avoiding people even if they are their friends. They always pretend to like - ‘there’s no one around me’, then ‘why would I talk to them if they’re willing to talk to me’. well, I, again, tried to build a conversation with her and asked, “Well, is it love marriage or arrange one?”

Again, my question made her furious, but, still, she replied, “Obviously, love one.”

I murmured, “Obviously?”

What does that mean? I mean why she has used ‘obviously’ word as if I know with whom she’s getting married. I did not understand her statement and tried to avoid that nine-letter word from my mind.

In a very enthusiastic way, I said, “Wow! That’s really great. Lucky girl. Haah!”

She just gave me a quirky smile and said nothing. Again, she drowned into the world of mobile.

“So, since how long you are committed?” I finally gave up on being silent and asked.

With a cunning smile, she replied, “For the last 30 years.”

I nodded and then realised her answer - last 30 years.

I mean what? Seriously? Are you a psychopath or what? Are you in a conscious state of mind?

I wanted to shake her from the shoulder and yell and ask these questions. But it was just a mere dream for me. With a big question on my face, I asked, “What?”

In a very simple way she replied, “Yes!”

“Yes, I am getting married to myself.” She added and winked at me.

“What’s the reason that has led you to get married to yourself?”

Without thinking too much and having another question, I asked this one directly.

The excitement and happiness, she has had, has been vanished when I asked this question. She got a wrinkle on her face while facing this question.

“Pressure. Family pressure.” she said.

She added ‘family’ word here. and stopped herself from getting into the emotional trauma.

I realized many things were going on in my mind. Various thoughts were born and burst by hearing the word ‘pressure’.

What I feel is the only thing worse than getting married is getting married for the wrong reason under pressure.

I wasn’t aware of how to react to her statement - whether to laugh or cry. It really seems surreal that we’re in 2020, but parents, relatives, society and that chaar-log have still not stopped putting pressure on us to get married at the ‘right’ age.

At the recent time, some families have accepted and gave freedom to their children to ‘fall in love’ - as per their choice. It means they’re already certified to live life like ‘Jaa Simran Jaa, Jee Le Apni Zindagi’. But if poor Simran is not able to find love, she has to agree to sit with parents every weekend to sift suitable Sharmaji ka ladka or Varmaji ka beta on matrimonial site. As per their either scientific theory or mathematics logic, the right age must not pass, you see. Because it will be difficult for both to find rishtas and well-love. By having a formal conversation with parents, colleagues and other people, I have come to the conclusion and it's a hundred percent right - the only thing worse than getting married is getting married for the wrong reason, under pressure.

Since the wedding season is upon us, the peer pressure is actually here. Whenever your friend is getting married, the pressure of your Shaadi multiplies by a million in your head. Waha tak thaa toh thik hai. Lekin ab saare dosto ke bachche bhi aa gaye. Bas karo ab! Aur kitna pressure daaloge hum par.

The more you hurry you are in to get the tag of ‘committed’ or ‘married’, the more you will ward off the right kind of people. Any kind of decision of getting married scare or simply put people off. Why would you want to take a quick decision about getting married? Because there is the pressure at your home. It’s a question of their life, too, equally. Isn’t it?

Even, all this old saying that you are too old to find a suitable to find a guy. There used to be a time a few decades back when a girl or guy got married when they would turn 18 or 20. Now, that mindset has gone from at least the educated middle class and so should be the stress. Of course, their point was to get settle down biologically. If the choice is between marrying at the ‘right age’ and to go for the later to gain short-term peace of mind. Let me slap you right now. Because, life will, later.

Single doesn’t always mean sad, just as a relationship doesn’t always mean happy. you will not understand this gyaan because all you can see happy committed faces on Instagram or Facebook. But, just remember that when these couples are done flaunting their ‘committed’ status, all they see around them are happy singles. That’s the irony of the human mind. Your happiness, whether you’re being called Mrs or Miss, will only come from your own thoughts. If you have consciously chosen to be happy, the presence or absence of girlfriend or boyfriend can only add value to it. It can’t be the pioneer of your state-of-mind. After all, you are the ruler and rider of your own life. One wrong choice under pressure can take you to the destruction. Nobody can influence you to get married. The voice about the right time and the right person has to come from within you. Whether it’s getting into a hurried relationship to avoid arrange relationship or saying yes to arrange marriage to avoid pressure because your friends or family want you to get settled down. It’s only your life and you have to suffer. And your partner’s, too. I am sure, no relatives will then carry the responsibility of pushing you into the state of unhappiness. And even if they did for namesake, the things would be too late then. So, take your time before you walk ahead. Staying single is not the end of life. It’s bliss actually. It’s really another way of living a beautiful life if you are in love with yourself. Anyway, whether your status is married or single or committed, there will be people on this planet who will envy you, and some who will thank God they are not in your place.

Well, that’s just how it is. It’s the phase of every Indian boy or girl who’s been into their 26 to 30’s age.

Welcome to the world of ‘Unmarried’ instead of ‘Single’ anymore.